"THINGS" THAT MAKE ME LAUGH.....

Wish I would have taken a pix with my cell phone.

My eyes popped when I read a bumper sticker on the rear window...

'MUSLIMS, MUSLIMS...UNITE!!!!!"

My bro and I were getting in the car, exiting Bronson Hospital in Kalamazzo when I spotted the SUV with that bumper sticker.

He has all kinds of pens, markers, etc. Got out of the car.

Wrote on it...

"That's right folks! Go back where you came from!"

My brother laughed his azz off.

I can remember in the early '80s where my crooked landlady drove a jeep with,

"GOD IS MY CO-PILOT".

A month after that, rather than mail the check as I requested, and she resisted, she shows up at the door with the front end bashed in and her arm in a swing.

Leaning on a crutch...had moved from Dolton to Valparaiso.

A religious freak. A penny-pinching freak.

Just to collect a check I would have mailed a week earlier, if only she trusted God and took my word for it.

I laughed my azz off. She saved me quite a few stamps.

I cost her a lot in legal fees.

Before I forget the most recent episode....due to stress everyone in the family is going thru..another "happy-stance episode inside the hospital the other day":

Required to leave the room temporarily. my oldest sister, (such a naive person!) was rubbing her eyes..."Jeanie, whats in my eye?"

I replied, "Your eyeball".

"Really?"

Yeah, it's your eyeball.

Then it dawned on her... (mind you, 8 ft. away from the nurses station)....

"Oh, you azzhole!"

My cousin, (Uncle Hoss' daughter) is a "go getter". She has her mind set, you don't argue.

We're like sisters. We grew up together, though 500 miles apart, we never changed. We're entertainment. She grew up; I didn't.

Recently, she joined "Weight Watchers," because her husband's doctor said if "your husband doesn't change his diet, he's gonna die!"

We all grew up on liver dumplings, gravy, chicken, fried fish, mashed potatos, etc. Not to mention we took trips in the woods everyday of our lives up 'til the day I had to move away.

Gravy covered everything. A can of grease was always next to the stove..'til I moved away, that is.

Mind you, I asked her to damn market her gravy over the years. I set up the deli in her small supermarket in a resort area in MO.thirty years ago. Stubborn azz doesn't know how to make potato salad without looking like mustard spread all over it. Another story.

Then the emails came in..."Damn, I lost so much weight, I hate shopping...gotta go get some clothes".

Then other emails followed...

"Everyone thinks I shouldn't loose anymore weight...." followed by a picture.

Then another email:

"Damn, I just picked my brother up from the hospital and my daughter, and they wanted apple pie. I feel so damn guilty...."

______________________________________________

I replied, like her dad, my favorite, closest Uncle Hoss would say:


"Ah, what'ya'want me to do about it?"

Favorite idiotic bumper stickers:

For babies who didn't ask to be born:

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for beer!"
Yeah, my nephew made that one up.

AftER finding out it wasn't his kid, and she concinced him he was THE father....she went on to have another bt a different father.

I CALL IT SOCIAL SECURITY UNTIL 18 YEARS OF AGE OR JAIL.

Aw, gee, don't worry guys and gals. She had two ceseians under the union' health care, because she delayed the divorce until after she got impregnated by another guy who left town, didn't have a job.

The union paid the bills after the second kid, then she agreed to a divorce. Her primary complaint was..."where is the bassinet?

Donated to charity after having two weeks alone in the house leaving nothing but a floor for my nephew to sleep on.

I wonder how she manages two different fathers...when she used to have it "so good"?










The things we learn in life. All ya can do is laugh.

Excuse my punctuation, spelling. This computer is also a pc. of shitz. I got another computer getting fixed. It's pain in the azz.

FLOSSIE AND UNCLE "HOSS" FRANCIS....

My Uncle Hoss moved him and his wife from the notorious "Valle Farm" in MO.

It was a real transition for my Uncle "Hoss", letting go of the farm, selling it to his cousin, who still resides there.

I looked at pixs at the derogatory home my mom and then, deaf aunt lived in.

Who would have thought it would transpire to be a "land-mark?"


My uncle bought a "trailer" in the heart of the small town. His distant cousin, Flossie, lived in the house right aside his lot.

My Uncle Hoss had a "thing" about his lawn like my dad did. Everyone wanted to know their "secret".

The "secret" was lime from the Lime Plant....

One day Uncle "Hoss" was feeding water onto his lawn.

Got kind of in the groove to purchase a sprinkler.

Flossie comes out, "Damn, Francis, what the hell ya doing, watering my garage, you're getting it all wet!"

____________________________________________


Uncle Hoss said, (before he buried the hatched and died)...

Ah, what'ya do when it rains?
__________________________________________

I can remember another incident.

My son was only 2 yrs. old at the time. We rode down with "Uncle Hoss" to see his daughter, my cousin, OK, give you the name, "Sandy".

She and her husband at the time resided in Little Rock (got to see where Kenny Rogers' resided, a block away).

Anyway, the parents (my cousin and her husband) were at the Karate Chop place, allowing their daughter and son to earn their "Black Belts".

While they were gone, I asked Uncle Hoss to "please watch my son while I do the dishes". No problem.

Except, he forgot I could observe him from where I washed the dishes...

They were in the living room, and there was an "opening" from where I was doing dishes.

Sure enough, my son picks up something and gets electrocuted with a socket...

I yelled at my Uncle...every freaking cuss word in the book.

His response:

"I can't help it if he's that damn dumb".

I look back, see all the memories.

I can't help but laugh.

Saying to my mom, in person..."I love YOU!" Watching her watch us pull away..she would sign back to all of us what she thought was, "I love YOU!"

Only she used the wrong fingers which said, " f;uck you back!"

She had no idea she was using the wrong fingers..in the sign language, it takes a couple of fingers, but she left one down and unkowingly left some up.

The grandkids laughed their azzes off all the way home.

That went on for quite awhile, can't exactly remember what her message was...but the grandkids wouldn't tell her until my sister wrote about it....they got such a kick out of her using the wrong fingers and untintenionally signaling a wrong message.

Ya gotta read...
Deafmomworld.com

Under. "I love You Too, MOM!" It's hilarious.

She's since learned the proper fingers to use.

Amazing..I only know one finger up is "fluck you!" But in the deaf world...signaling with several fingers and not knowing which ones can either make you laugh or get attacked.

Read my sister's article/blog: I love You Too, MOM!

It's hilarious.

deafmomworld.com

I think she's going through menapause, though. I didn't wish that from God, yet "it's all your fault!" Visit the Christie Lake blog...it would entertain you.

I love how she didn't know Fox News was arriving at her door, and threw all her dirty dishes in the oven.

Just like I would.

I can't forget, being 11 years older, instead of going to church, I wanted to go pick up my friend fron work, cerebal-palsey guy...who lived alone..Jewish, who's mom made the best damn potato salad...

I told the mini-sis, hell, no traffic (back in those days), "Let's get real...visiting a guy who never gets out, and go to Lincoln Park Zoo.

Back in those days, you could zip to Downtown and back, each way within twenty minutes.

Everything turned out great. We were back within an hour.

Except my little sister that's now bigger than me, told my mom, when questioned, "Who was the priest at the mass?"

Well, I forgot to teach her how to lie.

You understand at even age 22 I was grounded? As long as I lived in "their" house, age didn't matter.

I moved out after that, back in and then out.

Little bitch still hasn't learned how to tell a white lie.

Duplicate post. Too late to delete.