Many of you are aware...my parent's have a home on a private lakefront, "Christie Lake".
What you don't know is my kid sister is going through men-a-PAUSE, and that includes her husband patiently awaiting for her latest life's "one more time" episode to subside and see what's next up the line.
Two years ago she was inspired to return to her former love, "bare-foot" skiing. Only this time, she's 45 years old, and is competing against a 63 year old woman who taught her how to say, "suck it up!" and an 83 year old man who can barely walk, but can barefoot ski if you push him up by his butt.
This past Thursday I agreed to come over, spend the night, we were to leave for my mom's so she (my sis) could practice her barefooting and continue participating in tournaments across the country while teaming up and writing a book with the top bare-footer in the U.S., "Keith".
All went well the night I arrived. They were all out for dinner, it was just me and the white terror of a dog that happens to be a bitch like my sis when she gets crabby.
I decided to go outside and pull the weeds. Got done with that, on the way in, her patio steps were much higher than I was accustomed to, and focusing on the dog, not to smash her little hide, I actually missed the step, barely missing the patio window, yet managing to crash face down on the top of the steps. Nothing serious, just two great big holey holes on the left leg, a huge lump, a sock full of blood. Took the other sock and tied it around the big gusher, to get it to stop bleeding.
Time to feed the dog that wouldn't eat, so I got down on all fours, ...acting like I was gonna eat her food. With a big yelp and a swift bite, she marked her territory and boundaries.
"Holy" leg...swollen left cheek. Check.
Next day, friday...still bleeding, but heck, change bandages. No big deal. Instead of leaving at 2 p.m., she (Karen) types on her computer until 7 p.m.
Midnight, we got to mom's. Ah, sleep.
This a.m., left leg looks no better, but "SUCK IT UP," she says. Volunteered to go with her on the boat, while she attempts to ski barefoot with one foot, with the other in the triangled ski rope handle. Our family friend, Michelle was to drive the boat, I was the look-out and guide.
Before the boat even moved, I thought I'd snap a picture of the Ms. Crabazz in the water, waiting to ski, and just as I angled the cell phone to snap, I hear, "hang on" at the same time the boat takes off at 50 miles an hour.
How do you hang on standing up, snapping a pix while at the same time the boat jerks forward like it had to fly through the air between two cliffs?
I flew forward, landing face down, my chin on the edge of the boat, my right leg on it's way to the crash "landing" encountered "HOLY HOLES" now matches the left leg. o Things could've been worse.
You'd think the crabapple would've been grateful I had matching legs, and nothing but a swollen vein on the top of my head, a swollen dog-bitten left cheek. No, I interrupted her circus act. She still had to accomplish skiing "backwards barefoot" and I was "too interruptive".
At this point, both legs are hurting...two now are bleeding. I lost my $300.00 phone being a "guide" with a clueless driver. Ok, gear up again...here we go...she gets up again on her feet, puts the other in the handle and dropped head first with a slam into the lake. "Good for you," I thought.
Up again...she almost makes it, Michelle tries telling me how it's all her fault I lost my phone...etc...several minutes later, she said, "Jeanie, where's Karen?" I looked around the lake and didn't see nothing bobbin'. Told Michelle, "Who cares, let her find us...I'm tired of looking after her, I did that all my life". About a half mile away, we see her flapping her arms...I told Michelle, "Take it slow. We don't want to make waves."
I not only lost a $300.00 phone, but I got awarded with four bandages on the left leg marked, "Karen's House"; 3 on the right leg, including huge bumps in her favorite color purple, with bandages marked, "Karen's Boat". I took the huge angel statue out of the front yard, put a sign on it, "I'm sorry but, Suck It Up" with her name on it. The angel and I made a great picture with the phone I should have used in the first place: HERS.
I'm a wonderful, dependable look-out guide if you are interested in my services. However, it's $300.00 per round trip on a one mile wide by three mile long lake. Extra services include leaving you behind.
So...if you're looking to get rid of someone........
I hope her book due for publishing this fall is as successful as I am as your personal skiing look-out "guide".
Do I stay until Monday and go back with my mom and older sister, or go home with the ungrateful one and clean her dust-bunnies?
I think I'll go home and throw out all her manuscripts and tell her to "suck it up".
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